


Venomous

by scrawly_times



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: AU, Everyone Is Gay, Gorgon AU, M/M, Mythology - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Trans Alexander Hamilton, You will not find many cishet people here, everyone wants dat ham, gorgon - Freeform, help me i'm not sure what i'm doing, p much everyone is either polydating alex or qpps with him, rated T for Tactless Trans Talk, this is turning into a partial chatfic, thomas is a snake man
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-04 14:38:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12170883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrawly_times/pseuds/scrawly_times
Summary: Mythological creatures are real, but reclusive, and the various equal rights students have been trying to get Columbia University to open it's admissions to myths for years. CU finally does, a myth finally applies, and nothing will ever be the same.Alexander just wants to keep his grades up and keep his partners happy. His life's finally settling into an odd routine and he does NOT need it to get all out of sorts with this new transfer myth who is, unfortunately for him, REALLY hot, but that's not important. He doesn't even LIKE the guy! Jefferson's a total asshole. Though that doesn't mean he's just going to stand by while people are racist bigots, even if it IS his main rival they're trying to fuck with.





	1. In Which Alex and Eliza are Both Trans QPPs and Thomas Scares Everyone

**Author's Note:**

> So here's an AU bcz I'm trash for monster AUs. Unbetaed

“ALEXANDER DID YOU HEAR?!”

Alex screamed and stiffened up in terror as a pair of arms latched themselves around him from behind.

“Eliza no!”

Alex finally let out the breath he’d pretty much swallowed as he realized what had just happened due to Angelica’s frustrated yell.

“Eliza yes!” Eliza’s voice next to his ear confirmed it and Alex finally managed to relax, giving the dropped coffee at his feet a mournful look. “Alex Alex have you heard??”

“You yelling in my ear? Yes I have noticed that.” He said wryly, leaning back into her with a small grin. Eliza kissed his cheek and let go, whirling around to stand in front of him with a bright smile.

“There’s a new student!” Alex nearly asked what was so special about that, but Angelica joined in and explained further.

“He’s a gorgon.” Angelica said, crossing her arms smugly.

Alex blinked slowly.

“A mythological creature!” Eliza chirped.

“Woah, really?” His eyebrows rose and he smiled. “Congrats!”

Angelica and her sisters had been trying to get Columbia University to be inclusionary for _all_ minorities for _years._ That meant skin color, sexuality, gender, and the elusive mythological creatures.

They stuck to themselves and their own communities more often than not, most of them understandably wary of humans. So other than having to convince the college itself to _allow_ myths in the school there was the sheer fact that none ever _applied._

“So wait, what’s a gorgon..?” Alex adjusted his backpack strap. “That sounds familiar.”

“The children of Medusa.” Angelica said instantly by rote, then tilted her head and shrugged. “From what little I could research that wasn’t biased, unsourced, or from some fantasy game. Kind of like a naga.”

Alex nodded. “So… snake people?”

“Well, if you want to sound rude about it.” Eliza said delicately. Alex winced and dipped his head apologetically. “It’s fine… just, I’m not sure what’s considered rude or not yet either.”

“Gorgons are pretty rare apparently, even among the mythological community.” Angelica said authoritatively. “I’ll let you know what I can find out when I show the transfer around.”

Alex thanked her and adjusted his backpack again. He didn’t want to be rude to the transfer, even if the idea of a person with the lower half of a _huge fucking snake_ kind of freaked him out. At least he wasn’t afraid of snakes…

He’d met a few myths from being dragged along with the Schuyler sisters’ excursions downtown but only like… mythological creatures who looked mostly human. New York City was primarily a human city after all. Even the melting pot of the US didn’t have that many nonhumans running around.

Eliza’s sharp eyes caught his fidgeting and posture.

“Is your back hurting?” She asked worriedly. He shrugged helplessly.

“Yeah, a bit. I should probably take my binder off but… bleugh.” He stuck his tongue out and Eliza looked sympathetic, but insistent.

“We can go hang out at Laf’s for a bit to give the gals some time to breathe?” Angelica said.

“The ‘gals’ can just go fuck off…” Alexander muttered.

“I’ll trade you your boobs for my dick.” Eliza muttered back.

“Fuck yeah, best qpp.”

“Children, please,” Angelica put a hand on both of their shoulders. “Let’s go hang out at Laf’s and let everyone breathe. Ve’s got neopolitan ice cream sandwiches.”

“Oohhh sweet,” Eliza bounced.

“I have a class in an hour but if you can give me a ride back and forth I can make it.” Alex said and pushed at the small of his back, wincing at the loud cracking at he tried to stretch his back.

“We gotcha.”

* * *

 

Several hours later Alex sat in his US Government class and looked up from his notes when the classroom door opened and he saw Angelica at the door with- _wow, okay._

At first his brain said the broad man standing behind her had brightly dyed, insanely curly dreads. Then Alexander’s brain rebooted and the multicolored ‘dreads’ cleared up in his eyes as a bundle of _snakes_ on top of the guy’s head instead of hair. They moved back and forth smoothly, the small snakes poking up as if they were looking around.

Angelica strode into the room confidently and the whispers the other students had started up quieted down a bit. Everyone knew Angelica Schuyler and her no nonsense attitude.

The… gorgon, was it? He followed after her only enough to stand directly in the doorway. Alex couldn’t help his curiosity and stared at his abdomen where his shirt rode up and showed dark skin meeting yellow scales. The gorgon’s snake half was… big. Alex couldn’t even see much more past the doorway.

Alex forced his eyes up when a pair of large, gaudy sunglasses pointed right at him and the gorgon stared impassively at the gawking students. Alex nodded at him apologetically, trying to not look like he was nervous. The snakes on his head were definitely peeking around the edge of his head and looking at the classroom. Alex found it… strangely cute, somehow. If not still unnerving.

The classroom went dead silent for a moment when the gorgon entered but as soon as Angelica walked over to Professor Washington and began talking to him quietly the entire class burst into whispered conversations. The small snakes on his head jerked at the sudden noise and Alex found himself oddly interested when the gorgon made a low hissing noise, almost too quiet to hear except for Alex being pretty much the closest to the door, and the snakes hissed back just as quietly. They seemed to settle down.

Angelica and Professor Washington walked over to him. Washington seemed cautious but still smiled warmly and held a hand out. The students’ whispering kicked it up a notch.

“Professor Washington, I’ll be your US Government and US History teacher.”

The gorgon was still for a moment, a few snakes shifting, before his lips quirked in a smile and he shook Washington’s hand. Alex couldn’t help but notice the claws on his hands.

“Thomas Jefferson. A gorgon, before you ask. Yes I need to wear the sunglasses, or I’d turn anyone who looked me in the eye to stone unintentionally.” He said the last part a bit too loud and sharply to be directed at Washington. Several students paled and one or two even ducked below the pews. Alex snickered into his sleeve when the guy sitting next to him nearly gave himself whiplash turning his head to look in a different direction.

“That’s good to know.” Washington said neutrally, looking like he was trying not to smile. “I’m afraid I don’t know if you’ll fit in the rows.”

Thomas looked over at them judgingly. Several more students ducked below the tables. “Doubt it, and it’d be a pain to get up the steps without running into everything. All I need’s a desk to set my stuff on and curl up around and you won’t even notice I’m here.” He smirked and Washington chuckled.

“Perhaps the bottom corner?” The professor suggested and then shook his head. “If you’ll come talk to me sometime later we’ll figure out a good place to sit, I’m sure you still need to finish your tour of the school. Mr. Jefferson, Miss Schuyler.” Washington nodded to them and Jefferson retreated away from the door. Angelica followed him with a wave to the teacher and a quick wink at Alexander.

He waved at her and chuckled when Washington spoke to get everyone’s attention back to the PowerPoint and half the class jumped out of their skin.

He was super unnerved by the snake thing (likely venomous, from what he remembered about bright colors on prey animals) but Jefferson didn’t seem half bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Alex... you have no clue 
> 
> Also please fandom give me more Realistic, Relatable Trans Content - Sincerely, a Trans Per


	2. In Which Alex is Gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas has a little trouble. 
> 
> Alex is polybi as fuck and somehow this turns into a chatfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp I'm not sorry
> 
> (Snakes can, actually, climb even near vertical surfaces given the right circumstances but honestly does it sound comfortable and safe to flex your way up a set of stairs with every concrete step digging into your twenty feet of intestines)

Alex sorely regretted his innocent first impression of Jefferson.

The guy was a complete and utter _asshole._ He liked to argue and refute literally _anything_ that came out of Hamilton’s mouth. At this point Alex thought he might be doing it _just_ to be an ass, because nobody could have _that many_ stupid stances and opinions. Debate classes were a nightmare because Alexander had ended up with most of the same classes as him.

And yet.

He couldn’t help but feel bad for the myth. Only a week of going to school here and there’d already been five different students who were suspended for racist comments. Not to mention all the ones that weren’t caught, the _teachers_ who likely agreed and wouldn’t say anything about any hassling, and the people who weren’t rude but instead just flat out terrified of Jefferson.

He couldn’t really _blame_ those people, especially the poor few who had phobias of snakes, but it still sucked. Jefferson was a dick but he’d never done anything that made Alex scared for his own safety. (Outside of the constant hissing, but he was starting to think that was just a gorgon thing and was starting to get used to it.)

Hamilton was headed to one of his classes on the second floor when he saw a familiar colored tail in the stairwell and nearly got nailed in the head with a bookbag.

He jumped back and nearly started to yell at Jefferson but was interrupted by a stream of obscenities and angry hissing.

“Of fuckin’ course, y’all _shut up I know,_ y’all don’t have to rub it in!” A small chorus of hissing echoed eerily in the stairwell and Alexander picked up the dropped bookbag, peering up at the railing above him. He couldn’t see Jefferson’s upper body, or anything except his tail really.

“Uh, are you okay?” He asked warily. The tail tip he could see lashed and curled up tensely. He wasn’t sure how to feel about the fact that he was starting to understand snake body language.

“Hamilton? Just fuckin’ great. Can you grab my bag?” Jefferson sounded… really ticked.

“I’ve got it right here, nearly nailed me in the head on the way down.” Alex said cautiously and started to walk up the stairs.

“No no! Stay down on that landing!” Jefferson seemed to panic for a second before his usual arrogant tone appeared. The hissing was still echoing creepily. A much louder hiss that came from Jefferson made him jump.

“Are you… alright?” Hamilton made his way up anyways (having to squeeze awkwardly passed the thick tail kinked up awkwardly against the stairs) and then blinked when he saw Jefferson holding onto the railing like his life depended on it.

“I said stay down there!” Jefferson hissed, looking mortified to be caught. The little snakes on his head bobbed and pointed towards Alex, tongues flicking out periodically.

“What… what’s even going on?” Alex couldn’t go all the way up the stairs with the thickest part of the gorgon’s tail wedged near the top of the stairs the way it was. Thomas flushed and the little snakes bobbed with an even louder array of hissing.

“I… the stairs are tricky to get up, okay?” He braced his human half on the railing and winced as a ripple went through his entire body. The contracted muscles pulled themselves up the stairs and Alex realized what Thomas was having trouble with.

First off, he had to nearly jump on top of the railing to avoid his legs being crushed by the pointy scales that braced themselves on the side of the stairwell. Second, he could see the way Jefferson’s belly scales dug into the concrete stairs awkwardly - and probably a little painfully. A normal snake would probably have no problem but gravity worked against his sheer size.

It took several minutes before he managed to get enough mass on the second floor to pull the rest of his tail up easily. Hamilton watched, strangely hypnotized by the strong muscles and moving scales. Once Jefferson was at the top Alex realized the other problem: keeping the landing door open without it slamming on his tail.

Alex rushed up the stairs and squeezed his way over to Jefferson, trying to think of a way to step over the snake body without ending up straddling it.

“I can hold the door, if uh, it’s not weird for me to step over your… tail..?” He really wasn’t sure what most snake anatomy was called.

Jefferson looked at him strangely. “It’s technically part of my chest. My ‘tail’ doesn’t begin until about ten feet down.” Alex blinked. “ _Yes_ you can step over my lower chest _just this once_ and if you try to ‘pet my scales’ I swear to Lady I will _bite you_ and you will fucking die.”

Alexander held his hands up defensively. “Jesus! I won’t! Wasn’t planning on doing it anyways? They look sharp.”

In the end he did have to pretty much straddle Jefferson’s lower body to get to the door and while using his hand to balance found out that no, his scales weren’t _sharp_ but instead just very raised up. Alex made sure to not let his touch linger though and quickly clambered over the coil of scales to the door.

“Thanks,” Jefferson muttered as he opened the door and the gorgon slithered out. It took a moment for all of his length to get through the door but when Alex finally let it close he turned around to see Jefferson curled up and waiting in the hallway.

“Not a problem.” Alex handed his bookbag over and Jefferson slung it over his shoulder. “Wow. Just realized if you have this much problems getting _up_ them, getting _down_ the stairs must be pretty crazy.”

Jefferson snorted and likely rolled his eyes underneath his dark sunglasses. The snakes on his head hissed lowly and bobbed up and down, one or two twisting around to stare directly at Alex.

“Why do you think I’m always the first and last person to leave a classroom?” Jefferson drawled, running a hand over his… hair snakes??? Alex had no idea what exactly to call them. But the snakes settled down a bit and moved around less after Jefferson ran a hand through them.

Alexander winced and rubbed the back of his head. “I thought it had something to do with avoiding people, honestly.”

Jefferson laughed. “That’s a big part of it too.” He tilted his head and stared at Alex behind his sunglasses, various little snakes bending around to look too. “...I know we don’t get along, but… thanks. A lot. For not being a dick. And not being terrified witless of me for no reason.”

“To be fair, phobias are hard to deal with and anyone with ophidiophobia can’t exactly be blamed,” Alex said, before shaking his head and shrugging. “But it’s not a big deal. Yeah, you’re unnerving, but that’s just because I’m like 80% positive you’re highly venomous and you tower over me? But most people tower over me, so really most people tend to be unnerving-”

He cut himself off when he realized he was starting to babble. Jefferson looked kind of between confusion and amusement.

“Really, it’s not a problem. You’re an asshole, not a monster.” He said firmly.

Thomas stared at him again and Alex fidgeted when every snake long enough to twist around his head turned to look at him.

“No see, _that_ is a little bit unnerving, can you see through all of those? Are they independent? Every time I walk into a classroom I swear they swivel to stare at me and what are you doing-”

He went silent as Jefferson kept drifting closer until Alex was pinned against the door, staring breathlessly at the gorgon inches away from his face. He could feel Jefferson’s breath on his face and the small puffs of air from the snakes sniffing at his cheeks.

He hadn’t really looked at Thomas’s face before, hadn’t realized how handsome he was. Alex swallowed and tried to resist the urge to lean even closer. He could feel his face heating up.

Without warning Thomas turned away and slithered off down the hallway, practically at a run.

Alex stared and blinked a few times and laughed breathily before sliding down the door to sit down. Shit. 

He pulled out his phone. He needed backup.

* * *

 _adothammy:_ gyus help

 _adothammy:_ guys

 _adothammy:_ gays

 _adothammy:_ my gays

 _eliza.bethean:_ i have been summoned?

 _adothammy:_ my gays, help me. i am gay.

 _angelicbitch:_ this is new how..?

 _adothammy:_ guys this is serious

 _eliza.bethean:_ what's wrong??

 _eliza.bethean:_ oh my god is there someone ELSE you want to date???

 _angelicbitch:_ alexander hamilton you manho

 _angelicbitch:_ jk ilu but frreal ur such a polybi disaster

 _adothammy:_ yes yes i am

 _adothammy:_ however uhhhhh this one is treading on new ground even for me

 _eliza.bethean:_ who is it??? do u think they're ok with the poly thing???

 _adothammy:_ okay so don't laugh but uhhhhh

 _margaritaville:_ I emerge from tge pits of darkness to find gay. I approve.

 _angelicbitch:_..??

 _margaritaville:_ wow okay he's been typing for a whole minute im getting nervous

 _adothammy:_ so the new student kind of got stuck on the stairs and i offered to help him even though he's an ass because i mean I'm not rude enough to laugh at him just bcz he's too big for the damn elevator since everyone else is already bigoted enough about that kind of stuff to him. And then i held the stairwell door for him and we kind of stared at each other awkwardly and then he got like really REALLY close and it got awkward and also i realized he's kinda really hot?? Like really hot and i wasn't as freaked about the snake hair thing as i thought i would be

 _angelicbitch:_ oh my god

 _eliza.bethean:_ this is so cute oh my god

 _adothammy:_ and then he kind of just ran away

 _margaritaville:_ SCALY

 _adothammy:_ well slithered away at lightning speeds really but

 _adothammy:_ I AM NOT A SCALY

 _eliza.bethean:_ peggY NO

 _margaritaville:_ peggY Y E S

 _angelicbitch:_ you're the one who's qpps with a scaly, lizzy

 _adothammy:_ I AM NOT A SCALY

 _margaritaville:_ scaly

 _adothammy:_ STOP

 _angelicbitch:_ okay but seriously

 _angelicbitch:_ Jefferson?? You were literally ranting about how pissed off he makes you the other day

 _eliza.bethean:_ sexual tension???

 _adothammy:_ nooooo

 _adothammy:_ i mean probablt not uhhhghh

 _eliza.bethean:_ peggy don't dare

 _margaritaville:_ damnit

 _freckles:_ woah guys chill i only just got off work wth

 _freckles:_ 40+ messages

 _margaritaville:_ john are you aware ur bf is a scaly

 _freckles:_ what

 _adothammy:_ PEGGY STOP

 _margaritaville:_ go gO GOOOO

 _adothammy:_ no music references when im mar at u pegs

 _freckles:_ still reading thru yalls messages but “I emerge from tge pits of darkness to find gay” same

 _margaritaville:_ yes

 _angelicbitch:_ yes

 _eliza.bethean:_ okay alex so my first question is “do you think thomas is cool with poly”

 _adothammy:_ i dont kno i dont even kno iff he likes me or was like scenting me for a snack or smth

 _adothammy:_ that was probablh racist i retract that statement

 _freckles:_ ok im vaught uo and wow alex being sensitive what wormhole did i go thru

 _adothammy:_ stfu

 _eliza.bethean:_ b nice, boys

 _angelicbitch:_ okay so i do know gorgons don't eat people

 _adothammy:_ thank fuck

 _angelicbitch:_ Thomas texted me the other day with a huge ass rant about the logistical impossibilities of it and also the moral ethics involved with eating a sentient being

 _margaritaville:_ in that order..??

 _adothammy:_ he texts u??

 _eliza.bethean:_ 1: peggy stop 2: he texts both of us bcz were the only humans he rly knows so far who arent racists

 _adothammy:_ wait no i agree with pegs. did he complain in that specific order??

 _angelicbitch:_ alex shut up im trying to help u get that scaly dick

 _adothammy:_ STOP

 _margaritaville:_ LMAI

 _eliza.bethean:_ both of u!! stop!!!

 _eliza.bethean:_ alex if u think he was showing interest in u i think u should try for him!!!

 _freckles:_ yeah man

 _freckles:_ ive seen him around campus once or twice and tbh i dont see it but ill try to scope him out for you

 _angelicbitch:_ same. i’ll pry politely into gorgon relationships a little sometime

 _angelicbitch:_ we kind of have a “you get to ask intrusive questions about humans and i get to ask intrusive questions about gorgons” thing going rn

 _adothammy:_ i love you guys

 _margaritaville:_ gay

 _freckles:_ vrry gay *smooches*

 _adothammy:_ *smooches back*

 _eliza.bethean:_ *joind in smooching*

 _angelicbitch:_ gay ew

 _margaritaville:_ m ygay heart is happy with this turn of events

 _adothammy:_ same

 _adothammy:_ ok so my dorm’s open tonight bcz im gonna yell and never sleep all night

 _freckles:_ ah yes the usual “alexander manho hamilton has another crush” nighttime anxiety

 _freckles:_ i can get gil and herc to come over and cuddle ig u want

 _adothammy:_ that would b nice

 _adothammy:_ but also my dorm bed is not big enough for all of us

 _margaritaville:_ if u guys all come over to the Scuyler Siblings’ Suite we can ALL have a sleepover and use angie’s big ass bed

 _eliza.bethean:_!!!

 _eliza.bethean:_ yes!!!!! I get to smooch my bois!!!!!

 _angelicbitch:_ u guys are commandeering my bed for a “alex is gay” pity party?? Again???

 _angelicbitch:_ cool im in

 _freckles:_ i will text my Two

 _adothammy:_ awww “your” two

 _adothammy:_ that's gay laurens

 _freckles:_ the gayest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so... notes on relationships and such:
> 
> -Alex is dating John  
> -John is dating Herc and Laf, who are also dating  
> -Alex is technically dating Laf but it's complicated  
> -Alex and Eliza are queerplatonic partners: meaning they're just friends and they act a lot like they're in a relationship, but it's platonic  
> -most everyone here who isn't explicitly dating Alex are qpps with him  
> -Eliza and Maria are dating  
> -Eliza and John are dating  
> -at this point everyone is pretty much "technically dating" Laf. somehow, they're not sure when or how it happened  
> -LEGGY FOR DAYS  
> -Laf and Peggy are hardcore dating and both are nonbinary  
> -Alex and Eliza are both trans  
> -Thomas is going to be So Confused
> 
> Essentially it's a big poly mess that makes more sense to the people in the group. Regardless, they're all close friends anyways and massive cuddle sleepovers are normal


	3. James and Angelica for best wingman/woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse for this chapter, it's just a lot of people being gay and Thomas and Angelica being sassy friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JUST So everyone is aware: the species of snake that Thomas is based off of is the bush viper- specifically, the bright pink ones
> 
> also this chapter isn't really proofread half of it was written while i was half asleep. i'll go over it later and update with a better version if there's anything really big i need to change

Thomas got to his apartment and tried to not scream.

_ “Shut up! All of you!” _ He groaned and covered his face in his hands, taking off his sunglasses.

_ NoDon’t want toYou wouldn’tHe’s cuteHe’s niceCan we sniff him?That would be rudeHe’s niceDoesn’t stareWouldn’t mind if he staredWonder what he tastes likeTastes?Smells?Same thing _

With a gentle shake of his head he got the snakes on his head to quiet down a little bit. They didn’t stop, they never did, but they stopped being sharp pings and more the general awareness in the back of his mind they were supposed to be.

Thomas sighed and curled up in front of his TV, using his coils as a couch. He turned the TV on and flicked it to some random cartoon. That shut everyone up and got most of them looking in one direction- which cut down on the headache he could feel brewing. He wouldn’t actually be aware of what was going on unless  _ he _ started watching it too, but he could physically see the screen through them.

He was too tense and nervous in school from having to watch every single person around him. Having multiple sets of eyes helped but it gave him one  _ hell _ of a headache when he tried to pay attention to class.

Thomas curled up with his back to the TV, pulling out his phone and hitting the keypad and speed dial. He buried his face in his arms while it rang and groaned loudly.

_ “Hello.” _

“Jaaaames!” Thomas whined loudly, his snakes letting out a chorus of agreement. “Help me I’m gay.”

_ VerygayWe like himWanna smell _

_ “Thomas if this is about that Hamilton guy-” _

“It’s about the Hamilton guy!” Thomas said and groaned. “Don’t hang up!”

_ “I’m hanging up.” _

“James he was  _ nice _ and smelled nice-”

_ YesGood tasteSmelled goodWasn’t afraidDidn’t smell scared _

“-and he wasn’t afraid of me even when I did something  _ really stupid. _ He didn’t mock me for taking ages to get up the stairs and he even brought me my bag when I dropped it. Then he held the door open for me! The  _ door, _ James!” Thomas yelled into his arm.

_ “You’re right. You ARE gay.” _

“JAMES.”

_ “Easy, half your head is yelling.” _ James said dryly and Thomas smoothed a hand over his snakes to calm them down a bit.  _ “That’s better. Now, what exactly did you do that was ‘really stupid’?” _

Thomas groaned. “I got… really close. Just… he was being really,” He waved a hand in the air. “ _ Not an asshole, _ and then I got really distracted and next thing I know  _ everyone _ was distracted.”

_ “Oh no.” _

“Yeah.” Thomas sighed. “They wanted to scent him and I got… way too close.”

_ “You didn’t kiss him did you?” _

_ We wishKissing sounds niceHe smelled niceSmelled like coffee _

“I  _ wish. _ ” He sighed, then realized what he’d said and groaned. “That wasn’t entirely me, I blame the voices in my head for that.”

_ “One: they don’t actually talk. Two: they’re still YOU.” _ James sounded nothing but amused and Thomas knew he wouldn’t live that one down.  _ “Three: I’m pretty sure humans don’t consider it hot to yell and posture at each other. TELL me he didn’t hit you for invading his personal space?” _

“He did not.” James sighed in relief and Thomas rolled his eyes. “Seriously, I think… I think he was even interested? He shut up, and Hamilton _ never _ shuts up, and he didn’t smell scared.”

_ “Thomas, neither of us are human. I really don’t think either of us have enough knowledge of humans to know if he was interested in you being a creepy asshole.” _

“James, come on-”

_ “The majority of gorgon and naga flirting involves being an asshole to one another. As a satyr, I can honestly say most myths think that’s creepy. And generally annoying.” _

Thomas groaned deeply. “He doesn’t… he said he wasn’t bothered by the gorgon thing? He said I was an asshole, not a monster.” He felt a deep blush rising on his face.

_ “Huh. Well that certainly doesn’t help. Somehow I don’t think ‘nearly opposite flirting methodologies’ is covered in human and mythology cultural difference classes.” _

“It’s not considered flirting to call someone an asshole.”

_ “That’s good, because that would mean I’ve been inadvertently flirting with you our entire friendship.” _

“Jaaaames, this isn’t helping.”

_ “Okay. What WOULD help? You’ve already said you’re gay, you’ve explained the situation, and we’ve covered neither of us knowing how humans flirt.” _

“I don’t know, you’re better with humans than me.” Thomas twisted around and made himself more comfortable. “You usually have something smart to say.”

_ “I’m better with humans than you because I don’t terrify the shit out of ninety-five percent of them.” _

“It’s more like fifty percent with you.” Thomas said, smirking.

_ “Forty-five, tops.” _ He agreed.  _ “Don’t you KNOW several humans? That are willing to talk to you about awkward and potentially embarrassing cultural differences?” _

Sputtering over the abrupt change in conversation, Thomas’s snakes let out a loud chorus before he calmed them down.

“Not- I can’t tell  _ Angelica, _ she KNOWS Hamilton!”

_ “All the more reason to talk to her.” _

“No!”

_ “Then what exactly am I supposed to do, Thomas? I say you should talk to Angelica. You say no. This is a cyclical conversation here.” _

Thomas groaned long and loudly, his snakes hissing lowly in agreement. “Let's just drop it for now I guess? Tell me when you're going to actually transfer here. I'm getting antsy all alone by myself. Nobody's gotten violent and it's been surprisingly peaceful. It's _ safe,  _ Jemmy.” 

_ “First off, it hasn't even been two weeks. Second, maybe if I heard more about the school and less about how gay you are I'd be able to make up my mind.” _

“Sassy bastard,” Thomas quirked his lips into a smile and launched into the latest gossip.

* * *

“So! How’ve your classes been going?” Angelica Schuyler stirred her coffee stick idly, hand under her chin.

“Great, really, there’s at least six teachers who won't even look at me but only  _ one _ thinks I'm the spawn o’ Satan himself.” Thomas drawled, sipping his own coffee and trying to nudge a curious snake away from the cup. 

His only actual human friend at this school and, well,  _ ever, _ pursed her lips. “Tell me who and I can have them destroyed.”

“That’s unnecessary, hun.” He snorted. “If King thinks he’s gon’ intimidate  _ me _ with melodramatic speeches about ‘devilry personified’ he's gonna haveta try a  _ little  _ harder.”

_ Wrong one anywaysHe’s a jerkBite himNoMedusa spawn not satanFunnyTiny man thinks he's scaryIt’s cute _

Thomas snorted again and patted his snakes down a little. They didn’t need to get kicked out of the coffee shop for being loud.

“Funny though, he keeps getting the mythology wrong. I am the spawn of  _ Medusa, _ not  _ Satan. _ ” He harrumphed overdramatically as if that were the true problem here. Angelica snickered into her cup. “Wonder how he'd react if I told him aggression is usually considered flirting to gorgons…” It popped out of his mouth before he was even sure what he was going to say. Fuck.

At first she nearly did a spit take and started laughing, nearly cackling at the very idea.

“Oh god! His  _ face!  _ I would fucking  _ pay _ to see his face if you said that!” Angelica giggled and snorted to herself for a few more minutes and Thomas dared to let himself hope that she wasn't going to question the statement itself. “But- hold on, lemme get this straight, gorgons… are assholes to another? To flirt?”

He really _ was _ going to have this conversation with Angelica. Fuuuuck.

_ Did this to yourselfYour faultShe smells nice todayCoffee?People staringYou can't keep your mouth shutGay _

“No.” He groaned and set his coffee down, burying his face in his hands. She laughed. “Aggression is different, it's… it's like proving you're strong. And what counts as aggression can be different between gorgons. Like, for some people being aggressive can mean being loud and unapologetically abrasive. For others that might be… being quiet but not letting anyone shove you around.” His snakes bobbed around, several watching her. “It does not immediately mean assholery is accepted _ or _ excusable.”

“Good because if you started being a major dick for the sake of a crush I think you'd get kicked out.” Angelica sipped her coffee calmly while he sputtered. “And that's… I don't know. Interesting to hear.”

“I'm guessing it's weird to humans?” He tilted his head up and peeked through his fingers (and sunglasses) at her.

Angelic was silent for a moment, considering. “A little bit? But mainly because generally humans don't act aggressively to people they flirt with.” Thomas groaned loudly. “So if it's different between gorgons, what would _ you _ do to be aggressive?” She paused for a second and clarified. “This is not me flirting, this is me asking awkward possibly invasive questions that you can cash in later.”

“...Depends on the person.” Thomas tried to shove his snakes out of his head. 

_ He’s goodSmells niceBe strongHe responds wellAggressive back!!He argues wellSo smart _

“I suppose I'd… be firmer, not letting myself get pushed around, I wouldn't let them get a foot over me.” 

“...That sounds like you'd end up being a dick regardless.” Angelica said bluntly. 

“No no!” He struggled. “Not if… not if they're _ interested,  _ and respond back. If they get… aggressive back, then eventually we'd reach a balance and-” He sighed. “I'm not making much sense am I?”

“A little bit of sense,” She smiled. 

“So… a gorgon acts aggressive in a certain way. It's… basically an exaggeration of their personality?” Thomas said haltingly. Why was this so hard to explain? “And then if the other person responds normally they'd stop. But if the other gorgon responds with their _ own _ obvious exaggeration, the first one… adjusts? To match it. And it's kind of a fight to see how the exaggerations match up and intersect until both sides are done exaggerating and decide that the relationship will or won't work.” He rubbed his forehead. “It makes a lot more sense in action.”

“I… think that does make some sense though.” Angelica assured. “If you can't handle them at their worst, right?”

“Kind of.” Thomas made a face. “Like I said. Aggression doesn't necessarily mean being a jerk.”

Of course he'd never really been in a relationship before. He'd flirted a couple of times but gorgon flirting had an odd way of wheedling out non-compromisers right away and anxiety was usually not something they were willing to put up with. He'd also had quite a few one night stands for the sole purpose of a good fuck, but nothing much more serious.

And none of those nights were with another gorgon. They were… really going extinct these days. It sucked. Thomas had always wanted children. 

“So does this mean I get to hear about human heats?” He said wryly. He didn't care how obvious a subject change it was. This was a topic he'd been dying to hear about firsthand and Angelica had asked her embarrassing questions. “Every time I hear about it, every female in the room gets pissed off and several males have literally run out of the room.”

Angelica burst into laughter, a dangerous gleam in her eye. “Oh you're in for a _ treat.  _ Human males without vaginas are fucking _ weak. _ ”

* * *

 

_ angelicbitch:  _ so i got sone news

_ adothammy: _ wat

_ angelicbitch:  _ on ur crush u gay shit

_ adothammy:  _ OH

_ angelicbitch:  _ first off i mqde him aware that not wvery man has a penis

_ adothammy:  _ oh my god

_ angelicbitch:  _ but befoee that i got some deets on gorgon flirting

_ angelicbitch:  _ honey hes been flirting with you this entire time

_ adothammy: _ WHAT

_ angelicbitch:  _ aggression is apparently a Thing

_ angelicbitch:  _ I dont kno why bcz it got a littlw confusing but like

_ angelicbitch:  _ you said he was tolerable t first right

_ adothammy:  _ YEAH

_ angelicbitch:  _ and then he staryed actign rslly overdramatic and needlin you right?

_ adothammy:  _ Y E A H

_ adothammy:  _ ARE YOU SAYING HE'S BEEN FLIRTING WITH ME FOR THE PAST TWO WEKS BY BEING AN ARGUMENTATIVE ASSHOLE?

_ angelicbitch: _ well in hsi defense ur rly easy to srgue wirh

_ angelicbitch:  _ also ur cute whenyr mad

_ angelicbitch:  _ also dont deny ir u like arguinh with him

_ angelicbitch:  _ so technically its been worling

_ adothammy:  _ IRRELEVANT ARe you texting nd driving right now u have a lto of typos

_ angelicbitch:  _ tecting and walking

_ angelicbitch:  _ filling u in on the deets first b4 i gdt home so i can inform the Alex Is A Ho chat 

_ angelicbitch: _ typso Re worth it

_ adothammy:  _ truly thou art the best of wingwoman

_ angelicbitch:  _ u bet ur ho ass i am

_ adothammy:  _ ,,, pls dont actually rename the group chat Alex IS aHo 

_ angelicbitch: _ -i- wont

_ adothammy: _ fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much?? for the love??? i love yall so much?????

**Author's Note:**

> Oh Alex... you have no clue 
> 
> Also please fandom give me more Realistic, Relatable Trans Content - Sincerely, a Trans Per


End file.
